so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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