she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
