Little spoons don't ask big questions
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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