well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
