it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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