Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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