Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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