Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
