I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
