Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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