I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
