lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
