wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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