No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
