I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize