Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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