I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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