just come out here and I will go home with you...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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