Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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