dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
