The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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