Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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