I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
