It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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