If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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