I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
