why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
