It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
