you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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