now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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