What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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