Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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