I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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