Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
