It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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