Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
