I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
