smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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