tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize