Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
