somebody snuck up and got me drunk
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
