either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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