Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
