You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
