So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
