He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
