Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
