i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize