Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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