You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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