there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We just shotgunned beers for America
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
