There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
