I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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