Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
