I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize