Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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