i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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