I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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