I hope mine doesn't look like that
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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