If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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