He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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