my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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