dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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