Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
