I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
