5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
