The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
