he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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