I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
