Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Is Oprah even human
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
