Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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