If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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