You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
