genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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