I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
