i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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