he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
